Some people leave footprints on our heart..

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”
― Flavia Weedn




http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/we-are-never-ever-the-same/

Why running with scissors?

On POF you have to think of a heading. I had no idea what my heading should be so I Googled online dating headings. I clicked on the 'best and worst of online dating headings' link.

These are the best examples of online headings:

1. And Now For Something Completely Different
2. The Whole Enchilada
3. A Gentleman and a Scholar
4. Not Perfect, But My Dog Thinks I’m Awesome
5. Travels Well
6. Traveling Boots and Dancing Shoes
7. Runs with Scissors
8. In My Mind, I Sing Just Like Sinatra
9. Willing to Lie About How We Met
10. Start By Dreaming
11. If Edison Had Been Afraid of the Consequences, We’d Still be Sitting In the Dark
12. Likes Dancing in the Rain
13. MaryInABox
14. Eats Desert First!
15. Ollie, Ollie, In Come Free!
16. He Who Hesitates is a Damn Fool (Mae West)
17. Life is about stepping out of your comfort zone
18. Passion and Ambition Seek the Same
19. Creating a New Ending
20. Iowa farm girl masquerading as East Coast intellectual
21. You Can’t Stay In Your Corner of the Forest Waiting For Others to Come to You. You Have to Go to Them Sometimes. (Winnie-the-Pooh)
22. Be Kind Whenever Possible. It is Always Possible. (Dalai Lama)
23. I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be. (Douglas Adams)
24. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. (Douglas Adams)
25. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose (Woody Allen)
26. Once in his life, a man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead (Lucille Ball)
27. Wears socks that match!

See number 7. I liked that the best. I am also primary school teacher. What do teachers constantly tell children not to do? Don't run with scissors! See the irony? I guess right now I am running with scissors. I have to take risks and not obey the rules. If I was obeying the rules I would have stayed with ex-boy toy. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Boy buys a house. Girl lives with boy. They get married. Blah, blah, blah. 

On POF it did get me a lot of attention and starters for conversation as did the ' ignore the picture I look better in real life' tag line, but don't steal my ideas ladies. I will use it again if necessary. I didn't use ignore the picture I look better in real life on OKCupid. Damm, should have done to Mr I want to see more pictures! 

And the worst headlines are: 

Apparently these aren't made up. But for shits and gigs I might use one of them just to see, as a joke. 

1. “Hi”
2. “Active gluten free, organic food, traveler, hiker, nature admirer, searching for partner to enjoy everything life has to offer”
3. I have a few trust issues
4. Live, Laugh, Love
5. Likes Pina Coladas and taking walks the Rain
6. Looking for Ms. Right
7. Looking for my night in shinning armor (yes, we left the spelling mistakes intact)
8. I am seeking for true love. Could that be you?
9. Ready to move to the next level with that special woman who is after my heart
10. Looking for somebody wonderful
11. Not sure what to say
12. Does anyone actually read these things?
13. Yes I’ts me….LOL! (grammar left as was written)
14. I can’t believe I’m on a dating site
15. This is rather trite, don’t you think?
16. Can you make me love again?
17. Will fill this in later…
18. Insert funny headline here
19. Looking for Drama Free.. No Games!
20. Back Again..

For more: 

http://www.thedatinggurus.com/the-best-and-worst-of-dating-profile-headlines/

Rich second update, Cat Lady and OkCupid

So to make a long story short Rich and I arranged to see each other after I finished my placement and before he moved back home over the summer. We were bantering and being silly when he sent me this message as a reply:
'Did you put Christian or something on your profile? You know you are going to hell for what you said?'

I was like whoa that is a bit...not very nice. I was like there is it there is no way I am meeting up with someone who says something like that to me. I told him that it was offensive what he said and not very nice. Still he continued to joke about hell and me going to hell. I asked him not to joke about it. Then he got into a massive rant about how I had no proof that hell existed and that I was a 'crazy Christian' and that I was preaching to him. What an idiot! I never mentioned my faith to him at all. He was the one preaching about the bible being fairy stories. Yes, I am a Christian and I go to Church. But I am still open minded and believe that people should respect others opinions and ideas. I am not going to go into the whole God debate. I know what I believe and this isn't that kind of blog.

Whatever. Never mind. Like I said I am not looking for anything serious anyway. I need to get a job and my own place before dating.

I am really enjoying reading Cat Ladies blog which can be found here:

http://soon2becatlady.com/2012/09/16/lets-talk-about-twitter/

She writes about a lot of strange messages she gets and they are hilarious! I think maybe I will try online dating again once I am settled with my own life. But for now I am just going to let fate and God (I am a crazy Christian after all!) to the work and live my life. I am going to try and find love in the real world!

I had signed up to OkCupid which is another dating profile that Cat Lady often blogs about. It has a different  feel to POF or Plenty Of Fish. After seeing an email from OKC about my matches I was attracted to one of the guys photos, so I did to fill in my profile more. My only 'good' photos are of me in sunglasses so that is my profile picture (or was) for the time being. I message this good looking guy. He messaged me back asking for more photos. He said I looked cute but 'had to make sure'. Had to make sure I wasn't butt ugly? Well thanks love. He still badgered me for photos a few days ago. To be fair I was wearing sunglasses and I did try to put up another photo but it was taking ages, so gave up. I did explain this and tried to engage in normal conversation for example, what job do you have? He replied 'a great one lol.' *Sigh*. To be clear he didn't say what job he had on his profile.

Oh well, lets see what the universe has for me next. I am surprised Ted Mosby never tried internet dating on HIMYM

Rich Update

Rich and I have been bantering, for a little bit, this afternoon via text message. That was until he said I was boring him. 

I told him to go away. 

He said ‘I am doing’. I said, ‘good, go then.’ 

I haven’t had a text message back yet. Hehe. 

Banter is exhausting but sometimes it is fun. I wonder if he has noticed that I have deleted my Plenty Of Fish account? I also wonder if he is like this in real life (an idiot). Probably is. 

Crazy Cat Lady

Me and my children 

So, after less than a week of online dating I gave up and left the meat market. I got some nice messages from a few guys and they seemed very nice. Maybe I will give it another ago another time. I did get one guy asking if he could buy my used underwear. I said yes to see what he would say. But I didn’t hear back. Now, I will never know. What a shame he was offering 150 pounds I assume. Never mind, I was hoping to make some easy money.

HAHA 

But I did stumble upon a great blog about online dating called ‘Soon to be crazy cat lady.’ That will be me soon (get the violins out). The blog is about a lady’s experiences of dating online. She shares the hilarious messages she gets from men. You do get a lot of good writing material. I mean see how much I have written today! 




So being a writer and all I might go back to it if I am still single because of the strange people out there. She does write a lot of advice on dating and mentioned about that if guys live in their parents basement they shouldn’t be dating. This also made me think whether I should be dating and I should just sort out my life first by getting a job and my own place. She also mentions about who should pay on the first date? She says she wouldn’t go on a date if she couldn’t afford to pay her own way. I do have money but I don’t think I could afford to go out for dinner and drinks on a weekly basis, maybe coffee and possibly the cinema. She thinks is wrong to expect a man to pay, which I do as well and that is very feminist of her and I like that. 

Genius: 

http://soon2becatlady.com/

Rich

Underneath my profile picture I had written ‘ignore the picture I look better in real life.’ Rich messaged me saying ‘what if you actually look awful in real life.’

I told him that is the risk he is going to have to take.

So began the banter.

Looking at his photos I am attracted to him. He has beard and blond/brown hair. He is cute. But he has piercings and tattoos. But I still got his number out of him. We have been bantering through text messages and Whatapp. We have arranged to meet up but we are both students and busy with work. I like him. He sent me a message this morning saying he wanted to hug me and wasn’t taking no for answer. I jokingly accused him of being a rapist (yes that is my odd sense of humour) and I haven’t heard anything back. I have messaged him to see if he has recovered from his hangover. So let’s see if he replies. I hope I haven’t offended by calling him a rapist because I would like to meet with him. He suggested going to a museum on a date, which I kind of like. Yes he has message me back saying, ‘No, I am still in bed sulking.’ He is a bit rude, blunt and it is all about banter. I can’t be bothered with banter all the time. It is exhausting. But through his messages he can be nice as well. He did say some girls are a walk over and that bored him so he obviously likes the banter. Like I said banter can be exhausting. I can’t keep up banter forever.

I know I said I am not ready to date and the truth is I am not. I need to work on my career. I need to pass my QTS skills test. I need to get a job and I need to earn some money. I think I need to be on my own and not be committed to someone. I have depression and I need to find happiness. Personally, I think I am a little too young to find someone on the internet. Realising all this has made things a little bit clearer. But I do like Rich. I am happy to keep texting him for a while and then meet up and just see what happens.

I will let God and fate also do the work. I need to go out and meet people. I can’t just sit here and wait. I have to look good and feel good. Be happy and just work on my passion of teaching and writing. It does terrify me. I have doubts. What if I never find the one? What if never have children? That scares me. But I know that I want that eventually. Not right now. I need a career too before I can have all that. 

David

David is 35 and a writer. On his profile picture he is topless and has a nice body. He messaged me saying that he was shy. Hmm, well you are confident enough to have a topless picture on a dating website and message me first.

I did like his body, but still thought he was a little bit too old for me.  We messaged a bit and he told me that he was going on a date. I was like, ‘good I see you are not keeping all your eggs in one basket.’

The next day he messaged me saying that his date went okay, but there was no spark. He gave me his number. I decided to message him via my telephone. We messaged back and forth. We then asked me out on a date. I said I lived in a village outside the city.

Okay I will come to you, he said.

No you won’t.

I said I didn’t want to meet in the village because there is not much there.

‘There is your house,’ he said.

Okay, like I am going to let a strange man into my house. This was the point where I sort of thought I still live with my parents I can’t bring men back here. Even if I lived on my own I would never bring a man back to my house, especially when I don’t know them.

I told him I would let him know. I wasn’t sure about him. He suggested meeting in the city. But I didn’t reply.

Friday was a gorgeous day and he messaged me asking if I was sunbathing.  I didn’t reply because I could imagine I would get a sordid reply about me being in a bikini.

On Saturday morning, after telling Markus it was never going to happen, I told David the same but in a shorter message. I also said that I would never bring back men I didn’t know to my house.

‘I said that as joke,’ he said.

‘Funny,’ I replied.

‘Happy fishing,’ he said.

Hmm, more like happy sieving, sieving out the idiots.

Markus

One of the first men to message me was Markus aged 33 and a fellow teacher who teaches Sixth Formers P.E. In his profile picture there were three men. I asked him which one he was and of course it was the one I was least attracted too. But I didn't want to be rude. After a day of messages he asked me out on a date. This felt too soon but I gave him my number. He texted me ‘Is this the right number?’ Is this the right number, the right number for what? I replied, ‘I think so’. He also sent me a WhatApp as well as  text messaging saying he had sent me a message on WhatsApp. Whilst on WhatsApp he took the opportunity to send me another picture of him. It was black and white and slightly blurred. But I wasn’t attracted to him and had a weird feeling. It does sound shallow but I think you need to be attracted to someone’s face as well as their personality. We did WhatsApp for a bit and he said wanted to meet me. I suggested meeting in the day somewhere. He wanted to meet in the evening somewhere quiet. Somewhere quiet so he can kill me? It turned out he was busy this weekend and then suggested meeting one weekday evening. Personally, I don’t like going out in the weekday because preparing for school the next day is very time consuming and I am often tired after working with children all day. And I am often covered in glitter or glue. I told him this. But he said ‘well even for 45 minutes would be nice.’

Okay keen!

I then suggested meeting in a couple of weeks during the day. He said yes and that early afternoon would be fine. I didn't really feel like organizing a time yet, something still didn't feel right so I just left it.

The next day he sent me a message saying, ‘hey babe, how was your day?’

Babe? Don’t call me babe when you don’t know me. I am not your babe. I don’t mind pet names. Me and ex-boyfriend called each other silly nicknames all the time, but not straight away. 

I still responded. I told him I was tired. 

He then replied, ‘Bless. Nights like this would be lovely for cuddles.’

Erugh, I am going to be sick.

‘Aww’, I said.

‘I love snuggles,’ he replied.

Gross.

I did not reply.

The next day he messaged again asking how I was and called me 'hun'. I didn't like the fact he called me 'hun' when he didn't know me. He suggested meeting this weekend in the morning. Again, I was not sure so made up that I had to see a friend and would let him know. I needed to think. 

He messaged me this morning asking how I was. I decided to message him this:

‘I have been thinking and I am not really sorry but I am not in the right place in my life for a relationship....’

After some praying and soul searching, I realized that I am not ready for dating and I don’t have the time for a relationship. Men in their thirties will probably want to settle down. I am not ready to settle down. My placement takes up all my time and then I am going to Greece with my mum in June. After that I will be free. But not right now.

‘...I have my reasons why I thought I would try online dating…’

My ex- boyfriend’s friend who has a girlfriend is sending me rude pictures and saying rude things to me.

‘...but it is not right for me now and I have deleted my account...’

Yep, I lasted less than a  week on Plenty of Fish. I deleted my profile yesterday.

‘...I am sorry if I have been leading you on. But I need to sort my life out first. I am only 24 and I live with parents. I don’t have enough money to find my own house because I am a student. I need a job and a house first. Sorry...’

It is true. I cannot date I am still living with my parents. I need a job first. I need the monies and I need to save to get a place to rent. I need to live on my own and not in my parent’s basement before dating old men. Okay, I don’t actually live in my parents basement, but you know what I mean.

I also added that I didn't like snuggles.

‘Don’t be sorry,’ he said. ‘I thought we would click and get on well. I think you are gorgeous and I would love to date you.’

I told him I wasn't in the right place right now to date.

He said that is fine.

I told him about ex-boy toy and I splitting up after five years and how I jumped the gun a little bit in thinking I was ready to move on.

‘Why did you split?’ He asked.

‘Several of reasons,’ I said, ‘we just weren't working out.’

‘So it is for the best?’ Markus said.

‘Oh yes,’ I told him. There are no hard feelings and it is fine.

‘You seem sweet,’ he messaged, ‘what do you study?’

He knows I am a student teacher. He knows that I am a training to teach primary school children.

‘A student teacher!’

‘Yes, but is it just primary?

‘Yes..’

Wasn't sure what he really meant. ‘But is it just primary?’ Yes, it is just primary.

He then asked if I wanted to teach secondary and other questions.

When I mentioned I am often covered in glitter from working with young children. He asked if I was a girlie-girl. What a weird question.

‘I am not 6,’ I said.

‘What do you mean?’

‘That is a kind of question you ask a child,’ I said.

‘No, older women can be girlie-girls, with fake nails etc,’ he explained.

What?

‘Right.’

I don’t wear fake nails at all. Yes, I love make up and my pretty dresses. But asking if someone is a girlie-girl is strange...

‘I will take that as a no then,’ he sent back.

I told him that it was strange that he didn't ask if I was a tomboy, as a joke, because it is the opposite of being a girlie-girl. But he didn't find that funny.

He then asked what I was up to today, wherever I liked staying in or going out and what my perfect night was. I had just told him I was not interested in dating and still he persists. The smell of desperation is strong.

I said it was nice chatting to him, bye bye!

‘Don’t you want to keep chatting?’

‘Not really,’ I said.

‘We can be friends?’ he pleaded.

NO! I have enough friends.

I should have told him I have depression, which I do. But I still don’t think that would have put him off. 

Fishing In The Online Sea

So after two days of my emotional affair I decided to perhaps try Internet dating in order to talk to single men instead of a man boy with a girlfriend. I have mixed feelings about Internet dating. However, I have heard some good stories about online dating. One of my friends found her boyfriend through a dating website and my mum has also told me good stories about people finding the one through online dating. Dating websites and apps are so popular now. Like I said, it is easier to talk to people behind a screen. But what about meeting someone in real life? Half of me would just rather meet someone in real life. But where? 

Anyway I thought I would give it ago. I signed up to Plenty Of Fish, a free dating website. I don’t have the money to waste on the ones you have to pay for.  Too cut a long story short I got quite a few messages from a few guys. In a week I got three numbers from three men. Two of the men were insistent about going on dates and a lot older than me- in their early and mid thirties.  The third guy I like a lot and was attracted to him from his photos. He is in his late twenties. 

 I live in a village outside of a city. I do have a car. But I kind of still live with my mum and dad. I am a Postgraduate student and I don’t have enough monies to live on my own.  I have lived in another city before, on my own, whilst studying my undergraduate degree.  Now I am back with mummy and daddy. I still have to tell them where I am going and stuff and I kind of want too. At the same time it is annoying, but can I tell them about online dating and that I am meeting a 35 year old man (?). I don’t particularly want to tell them everything about me. Technically I am still 23. I am pretty young and 35 years old seems old (no offence to any 35 year old's out there). Do I want to be dating men that are almost ten years older than me or more? I think I learnt a lot about myself from my brief experience on Plenty Of Fish and what I want right now. 

In these next posts I will tell you about the men that I found on the dating site. 

My Facebook Affair

I have been single for more than a month now. We split up at the end of April, beginning of May just before our five year anniversary. I am not going to go into why we split up. It is for the best and that is that. It is sad and a shame. But you know we are not meant to be together. We have left it on good terms and that is good.

I had been single for about 4 weeks when I got a message from one of my ex-boyfriend’s friends on Facebook. The messages were nice at first but they got a little bit dirty and they were mainly sexual. I will admit I have been attracted to him because he is a good looking guy. But, there is a but, this guy has a girlfriend. Not only is he my ex-boyfriend’s friend he also has a girlfriend. I have got pictures of his body parts on my phone that I shouldn't have. I will let you use your imagination. I have told him that it is wrong and he shouldn't be sending me these things and he agrees. Yet, the messages keep coming. I can’t say I have been innocent in all this. I have replied and shouldn't have. But now we have agreed to stop. At the end of the day he has been cheating on his girlfriend in the comfort of his own bedroom behind a screen. So does social media and technology make it easier for people to cheat?

I am having a Facebook affair. I have not met up with this guy or snogged him. But he has sent me a lot of dirty pictures and messages and asked me to do the same. I am not stupid. The only picture I have sent him was a picture of my shoes…Is it easier now to have an affair behind a screen? For all I know this guy could be messaging me whilst sat next to his girlfriend who is probably clueless about all this. How do I know I am the only he is messaging?

One man actually created a website dedicated to Facebook cheating stories. Ken Savage’s wife created a Facebook account whilst battling with depression. Savage thought this was a good idea because reconnecting with friends might help her overcome her illness. However, his wife was rekindling long lost love with an old boyfriend. He created a website to help others get through affairs that have started through Facebook. Savage agrees that Facebook makes cheating a lot easier. In America divorce lawyers have stated that 81% of marriages ended because of affairs on Facebook. Although I am 24 and I am not getting in touch with my child hood sweethearts and I am not married, for my generation Facebook and social network sites are still a thrill and excitement regarding sex and yes it is easier to hide and be confident. You don’t have go anywhere, you can be in the comfort of your own home and not worry about what you look like. You have the chance to live out your sexual fantasies through typing and not be embarrassed.

In the past having sex with someone and kissing them whilst you have a partner meant you were cheating on them. Back then it was simple, embarking on sexual activity with another person whilst you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/ wife means you are cheating. But the lines of cheating are now blurred.  Not much effort needs to be made. All you need is just a dirty mind, a camera on a phone and a phone or a computer. After much research I found that having a Facebook affair is called an ‘emotional affair.’ An emotional affair is where you share an emotional attachment to someone and share deep secrets, wishes and thoughts intimately. You also have secret ways of being in touch through the internet or phone. That is probably why having affairs online and through technology are easier because it easier to hide.

I have now made it clear to this guy that it stops now. It isn't fair on either of us, his girlfriend or my ex-boyfriend. I think I have an idea why he is doing it, but that is not for me to say. Technology has just made it easier to connect with others and live out and share our wildest fantasies whilst hiding behind a computer screen. I think the question people are asking is social media making it harder for us to be sociable in real life? 

Here I am...

Here I am single after a five year relationship. It is a little scary entering the world of singledom after FIVE WHOLE YEARS. The last time I was single was when I was 18 and I am nearly 24 (in two weeks). I am terrified. So here I am going to blog about my journey into the unknown. Not only that I will be embarking on my journey to find myself a job as a teacher. I am not sure if it wise if a teacher should keep a blog about dating. But I will keep it PG, so no naughty stuff ;-) sadly. So I hope you enjoy my account about dating and the single life. Just call me Carrie Bradshaw.