Rich

Underneath my profile picture I had written ‘ignore the picture I look better in real life.’ Rich messaged me saying ‘what if you actually look awful in real life.’

I told him that is the risk he is going to have to take.

So began the banter.

Looking at his photos I am attracted to him. He has beard and blond/brown hair. He is cute. But he has piercings and tattoos. But I still got his number out of him. We have been bantering through text messages and Whatapp. We have arranged to meet up but we are both students and busy with work. I like him. He sent me a message this morning saying he wanted to hug me and wasn’t taking no for answer. I jokingly accused him of being a rapist (yes that is my odd sense of humour) and I haven’t heard anything back. I have messaged him to see if he has recovered from his hangover. So let’s see if he replies. I hope I haven’t offended by calling him a rapist because I would like to meet with him. He suggested going to a museum on a date, which I kind of like. Yes he has message me back saying, ‘No, I am still in bed sulking.’ He is a bit rude, blunt and it is all about banter. I can’t be bothered with banter all the time. It is exhausting. But through his messages he can be nice as well. He did say some girls are a walk over and that bored him so he obviously likes the banter. Like I said banter can be exhausting. I can’t keep up banter forever.

I know I said I am not ready to date and the truth is I am not. I need to work on my career. I need to pass my QTS skills test. I need to get a job and I need to earn some money. I think I need to be on my own and not be committed to someone. I have depression and I need to find happiness. Personally, I think I am a little too young to find someone on the internet. Realising all this has made things a little bit clearer. But I do like Rich. I am happy to keep texting him for a while and then meet up and just see what happens.

I will let God and fate also do the work. I need to go out and meet people. I can’t just sit here and wait. I have to look good and feel good. Be happy and just work on my passion of teaching and writing. It does terrify me. I have doubts. What if I never find the one? What if never have children? That scares me. But I know that I want that eventually. Not right now. I need a career too before I can have all that.